Monday, November 28, 2011

Kaiser has Returned

Think back to the first time you ever heard of Kaiser. Many an afternoon has been enjoyed by a family, bonding over the discussion of Kaiser. Until recently considered taboo amongst polite society, spasmodically it returns to create a new passion amongst those who study its history. Crossing many cultural barriers it still draws remarks such as 'I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole' and 'i'd rather eat wasps' from so called 'babies', many of whom blame the influence of television. With the primary aim of demonstrating my considerable intellect I will now demonstrate the complexity of the many faceted issue that is Kaiser.

Social Factors
Society is a simple word with a very complex definition. The immortal and indispensable phrase ‘honesty is
the best policy’ [1] must have been referning to Kaiser. While deviating from the norm will always cause unrest amongst ones peers, Kaiser smells of success.
Some analysts have been tempted to disregard Kaiser. I haven’t. Just as a dog will return to its own sick, society will return to Kaiser, again and again.

Economic Factors
There has been a great deal of discussion in the world of economics, centred on the value of Kaiser. Of course, Kaiser fits perfectly into the Simple-Many-Pies model using the median instead of the mean, where possible.

The results displayed in the graph are too clear to be ignored. Seemingly the average wage looms over Kaiser this cannot be a coincidence. The economic policy spectrum is seeing a period of unprecedented growth.
Political Factors
Posturing as concerned patriarchs, many politicians guide the electorate herd to the inevitable cattle shed of 'equal opportunity.' Comparing Kaiser and much of what has been written of it can be like comparing the vote of the man in the street with that of one more accustomed to Kaiser.
Take a moment to consider the words of the star of stage and screen Esperanza Woodpecker 'Political idealists must ideally deal, for I daily list my ideals politically.' [2] What a fantastic quote. If our political system can be seen as a cake, then Kaiser makes a good case for being the icing.
The question which we must each ask ourselves is, will we allow Kaiser to win our vote?

In my opinion Kaiser plays a large part in the lives of all. It sings a new song, invades where necessary and never hides.
Here with the final word is Hollywood's Denzel Morissette: 'I would say without a shadow of a doubt: Kaiser ROCKS!!! [3]

[1] Traditional - possibly first said by King Arthor... but probably not.
[2] Woodpecker - Serving The Greats - 1990 Palmerston House Publishing
[3] Weekly Kaiser - Issue 54 - Rhino Media


  1. All right, Kaiser's back! Now the Mondo Cool Cast and Tiger Claw Radio can get a lot more raunchy now.

  2. A cry of ecstasy erupted. Consuming those lost in the menagerie of sensual, tentacly driven bliss, to experience rapture unparalleled. For the master of their pleasure, rising phoenix like(that's what she said), cumeth.


  3. 'I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole' true that!

    "Kaiser fits perfectly" - thats what she said!

    [3] Weekly Kaiser - Issue 54 - Rhino Media
    (it went downhill after issue 42)